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10 Ways We’re Being Rude in Social Media and Don’t Even Know It

on November 5, 2012

Social media rearchitects itself very quickly. Our ability to change behaviors is not nearly as fast. This timing dichotomy results in seemingly appropriate behaviors that come off as thoughtless or self-serving. New tools and capabilities in social media have created new norms, some good, and others that unfortunately encourage repugnant behavior. In the past I’ve complained about 29 communication behaviors (See “16 Annoying Communications That Must end in 2011” and “13 Annoying Communications That Must End in 2012”). After some reflection on a few of these annoying communications and others soon to be mentioned, I realize the reason many of these communications irritate me so much is because the sender thinks they’re doing the right thing.

Like being thrust into a blinding swarm after our team wins a national championship, we lose our better judgment as to what’s right and wrong. Just because we see others doing it en masse we benignly think it’s ok to engage in abhorrent activity. What proceeds is a challenge to these mob-OKed assumptions.

1: Friend collecting

There was a time we used to just guess as to who was the most popular person in the room. Today, we look at your very public follower, friend, or subscriber count and we know. If one person’s number is higher than another’s, then that person is more popular, right?

We like to fool ourselves into believing this is not true, but we can’t stop ourselves from starting at those numbers, comparing ourselves to others, and adding more online friends.

While most of us connect with people we’ve met in the real world or online, there are others who truly collect friends, extending invites to complete strangers on Facebook and LinkedIn with absolutely no explanation as to why they want to connect. Both social networks allow you to send private messages to explain why you want to connect. Yet these “friend collectors” avoid taking advantage of that function. What’s worse is the number of these strangers that refuse to reply to private messages after you’ve accepted their friend request. I’ve estimated it’s about 25 percent (See “One quarter of all people who friend me on Facebook don’t respond to personal messages”).

Refusing private communications proves  that the “friending” is purely a selfish action with the intended purpose of increasing public friend counts with no intention of creating a true social connection.

2: Asking people to “Like” your content-free Facebook page

Similar to friend collecting is the process of setting up a Facebook fan page and then immediately spamming all your friends to “like” your page which happens to be void of content. Luckily, this has decreased substantially as it used to be a seemingly automatic request to all of one’s friends upon the creation of every single fan page.

“Liking” a piece of content or fan page is a transactional agreement. It’s an endorsement that comes after I have approved of what you have shown me. Requesting someone to “like” your fan page without showing them content is the equivalent of asking for something for nothing.

It’s similar to friend collecting because when you build a fan page your desire to create followers is tantamount. Your fan page has nothing, but you’ve got tons of friends. You’re so desperate and so dependent on your existing friend base that you think they’ll say “yes” to “liking” your page just because you’ve already established Facebook friendship. If you were the only one doing it, then maybe that would be true. Problem is we’re constantly inundated with these self-serving “please help me get my fan page count up” “like” requests.

Yes, it’s a small “Hey, give me a quarter” request. But without content, it’s a lopsided transaction. And because it keeps happening, it becomes blatantly self-serving and obnoxious.

3: Requiring app installation to consume a message

Ever get a message like this?

“John Doe just sent you a birthday greeting. Install the Happy Birthday App to view the content.”

This is similar to “like” requests on contentless Facebook pages in that it’s a lopsided transaction. The selfishness in this case lies primarily in the hands of the app developer who sees this as a “viral” technique to increase their install base. In social media speak, the message would read as such:

“Pay me first by giving me access to your personal computer and social network and I’ll show you this message you will probably not like. You can still uninstall the app afterwards if you’d like, but given that most of you don’t know how to do that, chances are you won’t. We’re counting on your ignorance and apathy so we’ll be able to show our investors the number of people who have installed our app. We need another round of funding.”

4: Auto-DMs on Twitter

Nothing screams “Pay attention to me!” more than automated direct messages (DMs) after you’ve followed someone on Twitter. I think the reason they annoy me so much is how they’re written to appear so personal (e.g., “Thank you so much for following me…”) when they’re obviously not any type of personal communications. I wish Twitter would simply turn this feature off.

The reason it’s so obnoxious is because it’s usually not complimented with an auto-follow. Lack of a return follow means the DM recipient can’t send a direct message back. That’s anything, but a personal engagement.

5: “Happy Birthdays” on Facebook

Isn’t it great that Facebook reminds us when our friends having a birthday? This alert is a great reminder to send a note about how much you appreciate your friendship. Or you could send a gift. Or maybe record a “Happy Birthday” video greeting. Facebook has provided some amazing personal information about your audience, yet we go out of our way and blow a well-timed opportunity to make a meaningful connection with our friends by just typing “Happy Birthday” and nothing else.

Only typing “Happy Birthday” is truly the least you could do outside of doing nothing at all. What a colossal waste of bandwidth.

Before when people said, “Happy Birthday,” your response would be “Thank you. You remembered.” But we can’t say that anymore because we didn’t remember, Facebook did. With this information we chose not to build a meaningful connection, but rather become participants of a massive ongoing spam campaign.

6: Sharing without consumption

Thanks to the proliferation of “Like” and retweet buttons, we all have the ability to share any piece of content without looking past the headline. While no one readily admits this, we all share content via our social networks without taking the time to actually consume it. It’s often a kind thing to do for a friend who wants to spread the word about an event or a piece of content. It’s not OK to just retweet and share content to build your industry voice.

Blind sharing does provide benefits to the sharer as tweeting out content that other people retweet will raise their Klout and Kred scores. Employers are now using these social rating systems as hiring barometers especially for organizations such as PR firms.

While ostensibly one should believe that blind sharing, even without consumption, would benefit the content creator. When it’s done en masse, then it only benefits the sharers and not the content creators as there are incidents where a piece of content has more shares than views. For stories highlighting evidence of this phenomenon, please read “Here’s What’s Wrong with Social Media: Sharing Without Consumption” and “Why Sharing Online Content May Be Too Easy” on Mashable.

7: Photo overdose of your kids and your wedding

I have an endless number of photos of my son. My wife and I look at them constantly, and our respective parents can’t get enough of them either.

While I can happily look at a million photos of my son, I can only stomach looking at about three photos of your kid. Understanding that other parents probably feel the same way, I keep a limit to the number of photos I share of my son with my entire social network.

Not all parents are aware of this photo absorption discrepancy between themselves and the rest of the world. Your kid may be cute to you, but you’re the parent and that’s how you’re supposed to feel. The rest of us are not supposed to feel that way.

Same holds true for weddings and honeymoons. The pictures you provide should acknowledge the event, and that’s it. Anything beyond that becomes a tiresome effort that overwhelms your audience.

8: Posting bad photos

For those unaware of what a bad photo looks like, here are some hints:

  • It’s out of focus.
  • It’s overexposed.
  • It’s underexposed.
  • There’s no subject in the photo.
  • It’s poorly composed.

While your camera may have this amazing function that allows you to automatically upload every photo you took to Facebook, it also has another great function called “Delete.” Not using the always available “Trash” button projects the image of an insensitive clod who wrongly believes everyone will love all his photos he took because the event he was at was just so damn cool. Knock it off and edit your photos.

9: Follow Fridays

I don’t know why this still goes on. Has anyone ever actually been compelled to follow someone after someone else’s #FF? I would guess not because almost all of them are devoid of context. Those who #FollowFriday still have fooled themselves into believing they’re being selfless, but that’s not the case. You’re alerting those #FFed in hopes they’ll pay more attention to you.

For more on my irritation with #FollowFriday, watch the video below and read “Can We All Make #FollowFriday Suck a Little Less?”

10: Automatically cross-posting contentless information across social networks

This is the process by which our actions, as measured by various social networks and often without moment-by-moment acknowledgement, are passively shared with multiple social networks. Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg happily supports this kind of automated and frictionless sharing as the rise of the social web.

Foursquare check-ins, achievements in social games, and songs we’re currently listening to on social radio stations such as Spotify and MOG can be cross-posted on Facebook and Twitter. While Facebook has smartly turned down the volume on these passive auto-posts, this has not been the case on Twitter which has no power to turn down the volume on anything.

To auto-share your every action across multiple social networks where people haven’t opted in is obscenely egotistical and doesn’t take into account the additional noise being created in the social sphere. Stop it. If someone cared where you checked in they would be following you on Foursquare. No need to let everyone on Facebook and Twitter know as well.

Want to complain some more with me?

I can’t be the only one that finds these sharing actions to be thoughtless and bordering on self serving. Are you with me or against me? Are you the kind of person that just types “Happy Birthday” on Facebook or will you spend a full minute to record a Facebook video greeting wishing me “Happy Birthday?”

Got other stuff to complain about? Let everyone know in the comments below.

Stock photo of shouting girl and secret message sign courtesy of Big Stock Photo. Creative Commons photo credit to mytoenailcameoff, Loukku, Nerea Marta, and laubarnes.

{ 205 comments… read them below or add one }

100yearsagotoday November 5, 2012 at 11:49 am

 What I can’t stand is people who constantly post about themselves or their gigs without any personal message or attempt to relate or communicate. Some people are convinced social media is their own personal ad space. I have several comedy “friends” who constantly plug their upcoming performances and never, NEVER add a joke or humor to the post. The only advantage is I now know which self-centered opportunists to “de-friend.”And by the way be sure to catch my next show at the downtown Chuckle-Barn on Nov 14th. Tix $15!

Guest November 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

It drives me crazy when people post a new picture of themselves daily. I don’t want to see your face in my news feed on a regular basis. This screams either insecurity or being full of oneself. 

guest November 6, 2012 at 12:38 pm

People who share things that are rumors and can be quickly researched on snopes.com to find out that they are in fact not true.  Those people should be banned from being on FB!

DF November 6, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Wishing someone happy birthday is not about remembering.  It’s about choosing to say something.  I’ve got 180 or so friends of whom 42 wished me happy birthday recently.  Those who did not made a choice, but I treasure all 42 attempts to connect, regardless of how sparse their message appeared.  They had to type the message, which takes effort and it meant something to me.  Apparently David Sparks thinks it’s not enough, that people should personalize their attempt to connect, but he speaks only for himself. What a snob.

Katie Herbst Peet November 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I’m curious about what you think of paper.li, and mentioning “top stories from” in a Tweet? I’ve been mentioned in a few and I always wonder how that happens. Thanks for this post!

Kemp Edmonds November 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Great round up all of your points are on point.

David Spark November 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

DF, I think you’ve been fooled into believing that they’re actually thinking about you. If they truly were, they would have written anything, and I mean anything, beyond just the two words “Happy Birthday.” Realize that Facebook reminds them of someone’s birthday and they click the person’s name, already provided, and type “Happy Birthday.” Again, out of doing nothing at all, I can’t think of what less a person can do for a person’s birthday. If you want to see something truly meaningful, read my piece about sending over 500 holiday video greetings. If you or your friends want to truly show they care, they will take more than three seconds. Don’t be fooled into believing this is a compassionate move. It’s nice, but it doesn’t show compassion.

I argue that I showed more compassion by taking the time to respond to your comment than any of your friends who only typed in “Happy Birthday.”

BTW, my last name is “Spark,” not “Sparks.” :)

David Spark November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

 Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen that one before, but it would definitely annoy me.

David Spark November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Yeah, I forgot about paper.li and their competitors. I would drop that into item #10, but it definitely deserves its own category.

David Spark November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

 I dated a woman like that. Uggh it was irritating.

Matthew McCrady November 7, 2012 at 5:49 am

I’d distinguish between cross posting and spamming. Cross posting is sharing a real status update across different social media accounts. Spamming is what you describe here, where there is an auto post to all your accounts each time you rate a Netflix movie.

Peggy_Carlaw November 7, 2012 at 6:34 am

I can complain right along with you except for #FF. If there’s someone I follow who shares relevant and meaningful content (I use Twitter mostly for business), they often suggest similar people to follow and I’ve found some great resources that way.

daveferguson November 7, 2012 at 8:50 am

You left out the passive-aggression narcissism of, “If you care about X, you’ll [like | repost | retweet] this. My friends will do it. If you don’t, I’ll understand.”

guest1 November 7, 2012 at 9:06 am

All of the things you mention above can be avoided by the viewer. You can hide your birthday so you don’t have to get the “happy birthday” posts from people that wouldn’t normally know it without facebook, make sure you’re only following people relevant to information that you want, and disregard any app requests sent to you by someone. You can hide the bad picture posts and pictures of others’ children. If people don’t know how to keep those things from popping up in their news feed then they need to become a more educated social media user. I agree with you about the things above, but I don’t have an issue with them because I have made sure they don’t pop up.

Scott Harrigan November 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm

As always Dave, a funny yet informative article.  Although I’m not sure if we can make Follow Friday suck any less…it just sucks.

Scott Harrigan November 7, 2012 at 1:37 pm

For me it’s the ones where people hold their cell phone out and take a picture of themselves.  There are some people I’m connected with on Facebook who do that and do it often.  Sure one or two pictures is okay but some people go nuts with these type of shots and it looks narcistic

Becky Reilly November 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Oh how I love this article and I’m with you on the #FF! In fact, I purposely will do only one #FF at a time and always include a reason WHY this person should be followed. 

Benspnc November 7, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Likeable reading. I haven’t used social media that long, but your article makes sense- I’m sure it will be helpful to remember the points you brought out. Thanks!

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:18 am

 There is actually a fun version of this called Daily Mugshot. http://dailymugshot.com/

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:20 am

If you’re not that savvy in social media, don’t worry too much about this article. This is for those heavily into it. And this is getting into the weeds.

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:21 am

You’re doing it right Becky. Making #FF suck less is all about providing context. Like we do in our normal non-Twitter lives.

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:22 am

 Provide some context is all it takes for #FF to not suck as Becky (see above) does. And thanks for the kudos.

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:23 am

 I’m not suggesting that I don’t want to hear any Happy Birthday wishes. I enjoy them, as long as they say something other than the two words “Happy Birthday.” So I have no desire to turn it off. Maybe there could be a warning when you send a “Happy Birthday” message. If you only type those two words, Facebook could send back a message saying, “Are you sure that’s all you want to say? Maybe you want to say something more.”

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:24 am

 I didn’t think of that one. That is a good one. It is annoying.

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:25 am

 What about a little context Peggy?

David Spark November 8, 2012 at 8:27 am

 See the title of the item. I say “contentless.” So it’s qualified. If you’re cross posting an article or photo from Instagram, that’s fine. It’s content people want to see. But crossposting an action from Foursquare or other service is just adding noise.

Animalkrackersmonthly November 17, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I am new to this whole concept and I am learning the rules to the road by trial and error. I do thank you for this information, for some of us, we are just truly learning and not self serving. Self serving is someone who unloads their emotional drama on to everyone else and then goes on their marry way. For those of us who believe we have a product that could benefit someones life, we are not just taking we have something to give.  I think if we were all willing to support those we believe in, social advertising would be beneficial to all. 
When ever someone sends me something, I make the effort to comment and support it, if it something I think others could benefit from. 

Animalkrackersmonthly November 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I just have to comment on the picture discussion. The thing I like about fb is; it is each individual person expression of their own life. I see mine as a journal. If I post 10 pics of my family, I spend a lot of time on fb. and I like to view my albums for my own enjoyment. People don’t have to view everything you post. I enjoy looking back and seeing what I was doing on a certain date and time. It’s like a journal. I agree your business page should support your business, but c’mon now we have to have rules on how we express ourselves on our personal page. When I got married all of my friends who came to the wedding tagged me with pics they took. I had over 50 pictures sent to me and I love looking at them all. Don’t look if it’s annoying, but can’t we just have one place we can express ourselves as individuals. 

David Spark November 18, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I get the “Just don’t look at it” response a lot. Problem is all this stuff I’m “not supposed to look at” is filling up my feed and everyone else’s. The more of this that appears the more stuff I’m supposed to “not look at” vs. the stuff “I should look at.” The fact that your friends all posted photos of your wedding is something out of your control and is great for you.

K.Vo November 19, 2012 at 2:32 pm

when is facebook going to give us the option of to block ALL GAMING requests!?!?

Tracy November 29, 2012 at 11:25 am

I actually really enjoy ALL the birthday messages I get.  But hey,  that is me. I also try to post a nice message to those I choose to wish a happy birthday,  because writing more then just “Happy Birthday” is a nice gesture.
What I hate is “vaguebooking” where someone alludes to some tragic or dramatic event,  but does not say what it is.  A cry for attention?  A need to find out who is paying attention, because they have ask you what you mean?  I ignore those,  except when my sister posts them (she is the worst vaguebooker ever)-  I do call her out and tell her to knock it off.

David Spark November 29, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Vaguebooking. I had never heard that term, but you’re 100 percent right. That is friggin’ irritating. As for birthdays, it’s ok to wish someone Happy Birthday, just do something more than typing those two words. Take advantage of the moment and make a true connection. I had 200+ people wish me “Happy Birthday” this year and about 5 percent said something other than “Happy Birthday.” I actually remember who they were. I don’t remember the other 95 percent.

Rinata December 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I have an observation that I haven’t seen addressed and wonder if anybody else has any thoughts on the subject.  Does anyone else feel that it’s rude when people “share” an inspirational post of yours on their fb wall but don’t bother to “like” it on your wall or give you credit for it?   These people may get 100 or so likes when they post a picture of the new shoes they just bought and it just causes hurt feelings to not share any positive thoughts on what someone else has written and instead snatch it up for their own wall and get more people to “like” it.   It’s so disappointing to not get any likes on something so my conclusion is that nobody read it or didn’t appreciate it.  I was surprised to see it being shared when it wasn’t “liked”.   Apparently they did like it but didn’t want me to know.  ??  Unless I’m trying to steal someone’s thunder by making myself look more popular by getting alot of likes when they don’t get any, I don’t see why someone would intentionally do that again and again.  And when asked about it, this “friend” said she doesn’t make it a habit of “liking” posts.   It just seems like common courtesy to me.   I know this sounds like something trivial in the grand scheme of things and I find myself asking “why do I even care?” but I do.   

David Spark December 14, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Actually I value a “share” at a much higher level than a “like,” so I’d prefer people share all my content and not like any of it.

Rinata December 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

So you mean that you wouldn’t be bothered if folks liked your page but nobody “liked” it?    You wouldn’t appreciate them doing both?  They’re not mutually exclusive and it takes literally a second to show that courtesy and respect.   

Rinata December 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

I agree with you on that.  It just seems like an obligatory gesture without any sincerity or creativity.  It’s insulting to just type those 2 words.  Like those people that think they are being so nice by sending a Christmas card when all they write inside is their name.  Even more so when they have to include their picture in the card.  It seems self-serving and meaningless.

Rinata December 19, 2012 at 11:29 am

Oh I hate that.  I see that alot.

David Spark December 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I think you meant to say I wouldn’t be bothered if people SHARED my page but didn’t like it.  You’re right, they’re not mutually exclusive. Honestly, you’re asking people to take two actions towards your content and it’s really not necessary. Sure I’d like both, but if I could choose one it would be a share.

David Spark December 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

At least they bothered to mail it. Although I find that just killing trees because the time I open a generic Christmas card and then throw it in the garbage is less than one second. Digital cards get deleted. They’re never read.

Rinata December 20, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Yep, that’s what I meant to say.  ;-)

Rinata December 20, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I don’t like unneccesary waste of paper either (such as mass mailings of stuff I’m not interested in).  I wonder if these people realize they are just wasting postage and resources because most of them I just put in the recycle bin as well.

Rinata December 20, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Haha!

carol hobbs dunbar February 3, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Ok, so if I am understanding ….we should strive to build a ‘not so easy to forget’ memory with our contacts.  I do this as time permits but must admit, have welcomed anyone with a horse as a fb friend until this past year.  Now, I am looking for individuals with some common ground and referring them on to my web site and farm fb page. It is time to learn how to make this all work better…so yes,  I am ready to get savvy about all this.

David Spark February 10, 2013 at 1:33 am

Carol, I’m sorry I don’t know what point you’re referring to with the “not so easy to forget” memory of our contacts. Help me out here.

Marie Nunez March 15, 2013 at 6:30 pm

I feel the same way. Whenever I choose to share someone else’s post, I always “like” it first as an acknowledgement and a sign of respect. I find it rude and a bit annoying when friends habitually share things I’ve posted without taking a second to acknowledge it on my wall. I know it is a trivial thing but it does bother after a while….thank you for posting this, I really thought I was being a bit snarky. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone. :)

Sam Fitz April 24, 2013 at 10:33 am

Agreed on all points, except the final one on cross-posting. The only reason I even use Foursquare is to inform my Facebook friends where I am and what I’m doing. The primary reason I use Instagram is to have it post my filtered photos to Facebook and Twitter. Does it help to have some context? Certainly, and I usually try to add some (IE a sentence or two about what I like or don’t like about this place, or a little information about this picture, that doesn’t involve hash tags). But sometimes I’d rather focus on the activity I’m doing or the people I’m with whilst posting rather than taking two minutes to type and spell check a social post, and therefore I sometimes leave the cross-post absent of context. And I don’t see anything wrong with that.

David Spark April 24, 2013 at 10:57 am

Sam, you could also use Facebook Places if all you want to do is connect to your Facebook friends. As for Instagram, I would actually have to agree with you there.

Lisa Larissa Marko May 3, 2013 at 4:56 pm

Oh thank you! I never thought anyone felt the way I do with my experience just like yours! So I say go in and stop their feed so you don’t see their post at all on your wall, that’s what I did….one of these was a close friend who said THE EXACT same thing as yours did! Unbelievable huh….oh P.S., it bothers you cause your heart and soul is bigger than those small minded narcissistic a holes. When you hurt you know you
are the better person, don’t cry move on without them and don’t care anymore about the post cause you “picked up what they were laying down”.

David May 14, 2013 at 7:47 am

Hi David, I have to agree with DF on this. I actually say Happy Birthday to someone because I really want to and it is a way to reach out. I don’t normally have time to type in personal messages to 700 people on my FB so I choose the ones that I do that for. Also, I may have already had interaction with them on another level and just saying happy birthday is letting them know I’m thinking of them. its a nice gesture. snob is the word. Some of the other observations you made I agree with when it comes to invites but I just ignore and move on. I have more to do with my day.

angie June 3, 2013 at 5:40 pm

I was just discussing this with my friend. We have friends that albums with hundreds of pictures of just themselves and most of them are the same picture with a different color scheme. It is very annoying and in my opinion makes the person seem vain

David Spark June 3, 2013 at 9:13 pm

Angie, some people are just really awesome and you haven’t realized it yet.

Nadine Smith December 30, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Hello everyon my problem has been not being familiar with social media very long. I have been twitting for about 2 months regularly now. I am sure there may be books out there I should have read. However, my daughter is a Twitter Pro! Long story short. I had to learn cold turkey how to get followers! The first time I got 7 people following me I was excited! I thought it was because people llked what I was saying, I found out later, it could be because if you have a strong following they may want to compete for your followers. This last reason I don’t like at all, and this those that want to challenger what you say to make you look ignorant boasting their ego’s. That’s plain down right disrespectful When others are rude or sarcastically rude then

Kimberly Kaye Clark January 28, 2015 at 6:03 pm

I think it’s very rude for someone to take your post and share without a word to you, the originator of the post. I also find it extremely rude that when I keep liking some of others post and make comments these people NEVER reciprocate the same to my posts!! I think it’s selfish that they don’t even bother to look or read other friends posts. They get on, make a post and get a bunch of comments and likes and that’s it, I never see them liking anyone else’s stuff or commenting!!!

David Spark January 28, 2015 at 7:58 pm

Kimberly, Klout’s whole curator score is sadly based on sharing other people’s content without giving credit. It is rude and sadly it’s done all the time. As for your other comment about people looking at your posts, I don’t think it’s a two-way street. Just the mere act of liking and commenting on other people’s work doesn’t mean they should feel compelled to look at your work. I never feel the need to. But, if someone flat out asks me to take a look at something, I do, assuming it’s not their novel. :)

skyloaf January 29, 2015 at 8:54 am

Hi David, I really liked the list. Agreed with all except the birthday thing. Perhaps you handle your time better but I feel constantly overwhelmed and rushed. I see that birthday message first thing in the morning and I make sure I say something (often just “Happy Birthday –name– !”) to the 2, 3, or sometimes 7 people that day. It might be difficult for you to understand being a writer, but often we plebes can’t think of anything else to say. I find it nice when people say more but I appreciate the acknowledgement. BTW, you seem easily offended, particularly for someone who walks around and puts a mike in peoples faces. Are you French or something? ;-)

David Spark January 29, 2015 at 10:57 am

Ah Jerry…:) Well, my argument is over 150 people wish me “Happy Birthday” on my birthday. Sure, it’s nice, but if you’re trying to do it as a brand building effort is falling flat. Because there’s no way I can remember 150 people who said Happy Birthday. BUT I do remember this thoughtful comment on my blog. THANKS.

BTW, you don’t have to be French to be rude. :)

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LJ12 February 7, 2015 at 3:58 am

I was absolutely thrilled to find a best friend from school yesterday on facebook. It’s been almost 25 years since we saw each other and I sent her a nice message, then realised it would go to her ‘other’ inbox as we’re not friends on Fb. So I sent her a friend request as well, at least this would get her attention to the message & she could add me later if she wanted. But…. she ignored the message and accepted the friend request.
I feel a bit hurt, but more than anything, really really awkward. I mean we’re friends on Fb now but we haven’t spoken; I want to be actual friends, not linked on social media where there is no privacy. This is the sort of thing that makes me hate Fb, and makes me dislike myself for being on it.
Hope you see this as I realise this post is old now!

Doofus Lamewright March 25, 2015 at 7:43 am

So let me get this straight. A simple happy birthday is now considered annoying? Are you kidding me?

David Spark March 25, 2015 at 10:00 am

I’m not kidding you Doofus. :)

Doofus Lamewright March 25, 2015 at 11:47 am

Wow I must’ve annoyed a lot of people. What if I don’t know the person that well…they’ll really be unappreciative of a Facebook message ?

David Spark March 25, 2015 at 12:05 pm

Think of it this way, if 100 people just type “Happy Birthday” and nothing else, how am I supposed to remember who did that? And why couldn’t any of those people done literally ANYTHING else other than type “Happy Birthday?”

LemonZest March 27, 2015 at 8:28 pm

Here’s one…How about the people who in person say they love you, support you, etc., You LIKE many of their posts, showing your support when you can, and they refuse to ever LIKE a single post of yours??? I almost think it’s deliberate, but maybe not. Thoughts??

Lmeskip March 28, 2015 at 11:28 am

I get what you mean, just opt to not see their pics anymore in your news feed by hiding it or better yet, just unfollow them, which means you are still their friend on facebook but you wont see their stuff popping in ur home page

David Spark March 29, 2015 at 6:24 pm

Don’t wrap yourself up in it. Honestly, people are so obsessed with themselves that they don’t realize they’re slighting people they really like. It happens all the time.

angel March 31, 2015 at 12:31 pm

what about people post a comment on a fb page meant for open discussions yet insult and block anyone who responds to them simply because of a difference in opinion.

David Spark March 31, 2015 at 12:32 pm

That would be rude, but I can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone do that. It’s definitely not common. The behaviors listed above are very common.

Stephen Marth April 17, 2015 at 8:53 am

Lots of good points! The birthday suggestion is one I never thought about, although I have noticed many people simply write the standard greeting, which takes little thought. The only thing worse is to send nothing and simply ignore the notification altogether. I like to post a colorful birthday greeting photo or picture of flowers and include a thoughtful and original message. Still easier than sending a card!

David Spark April 17, 2015 at 9:17 am

I’m cool with saying nothing at all, but you’re obviously doing a lot more than just typing in the words “Happy Birthday.”

Stephen Marth April 17, 2015 at 9:38 am

For me, it’s either put in the effort to make the birthday wish sincere OR use the nothing at all approach (for lesser FB friends). The simple happy birthday greeting is a half-hearted message that feels obligatory, means little to the recipient and does not reflect much thought or imagination on the part of the sender – IMO.

David Spark April 17, 2015 at 9:40 am

We’re on the same page.

Stephen Marth April 17, 2015 at 9:48 am

FB can be misleading and sometimes results in hurt feelings depending on interpretation. If people do not respond with comments or likes frequently enough, the news feed algorithm may send fewer of your post to their newsfeed and eventually filter them out completely. It only means that the viewer is not active enough on FB or is not bothering to press the like button. For some, the like button is merely an acknowledgment of receiving the post. For others, they only press like if they are truly wowed by the content. Someone can love you without being impressed by your posts enough to comment. You are probably being more generous with your likes and comments. Do not get dissappointed when others do not reciprocate accordingly.

Stephen Marth April 17, 2015 at 9:58 am

The journal or daily diary approach to facebook common, but boring for others who see it in their newsfeed. For those people, I block them from my newsfeed and put them into a group. That way, I can display the group postings only when I care to.

Your friends may have you tucked away in a corner as well. Be aware that if your page is personal and “all about you”, they lose interest and may view your postings as self-absorbed rather than a journal.

Stephen Marth April 17, 2015 at 10:59 am

When Facebook started, it seems people got the idea that it makes you a pseudo-celebrity and all your friends are fans who want to see updates and photos on a regular basis. When that routine got old, FB evolved into a means for entertaining and sharing interesting things they’ve discovered online or from other friends. The mode of “it’s all about me” has dwindled down to the unenlightened few who still embrace the old model where they have hundreds of “friends” who “all love me”. Reality is more like, I only have so much time or interest for your posts and lots of other friends to follow…

Stephen Marth April 17, 2015 at 11:17 am

We live in a society where we are expected to extend the obligatory Happy Birthday once we are aware of someone’s birthday. It’s all about being polite, but not meaningful.

If you are getting up to 7 birthday notices (daily?), you have more acquaintances than you realize. Do you believe that everyone who invites you or accepts your FB invite is a friend?

When you determine that a birthday notice is for an acquaintance, you can dismiss it. For the friends you care about, you will find a way to extend a thoughtful greeting to honor their special day! Take the effort and practice saying something clever or entertaining. In time, you will find you have more imagination than you realize now. The friends you spend the time greeting will appreciate your efforts and are likely to do the same for you.

Amadeus Monroe April 19, 2015 at 4:42 am

I find it flattering when they share something I post as they deem it important enough to reshare, but when I do it I always like it first.

Amadeus Monroe April 19, 2015 at 4:46 am

Biggest rudest pet peeve is when you get a bully who says something not very nice.. and some jerk (who you are realizing is a jerk) LIKES that post. It is one of the greatest ways to discover you are dealing with a passive agressive troublemaker. I have seen this over and over again, time after time.. so be really careful and notice what people are liking, those sorts of people always seem to be resenting something in their life. By the same token, I never like any post on someones page that looks like an attack to them, or even trouble. Thats not cool. I never read articles about it, but I have eventually lost a few friends this way, but they werent anyone worth saving it turned out in the long run.. so their technique of irresistibly “liking” a rude post is a goldmine. Usually when you confront someone who does this they come unglued though.

Amadeus Monroe April 19, 2015 at 4:49 am

I have discovered only 10% of your friends list will every comment or say happy birthday anyway. lol

David Spark April 19, 2015 at 7:20 am

That’s actually a pretty high number. It’s actually a lower percentage that even sees it. Don’t expect that something you post will actually be seen by all your friends. A very small percentage see it.

Amadeus Monroe April 19, 2015 at 12:51 pm

Thats true not everyone sees my posts, I meant in general though. I was amazed at one friend who had HUNDREDS of birthday wishes.. she looked like a star baby!! A star!! lmao.. till I realized she had 5000 friends. lol.

Chris May 12, 2015 at 10:34 am

Its just social media… who cares? Why get angry over it? Post what you like. Don’t like what you don’t like. Like what you like. Simple as that. This isn’t chess. Play chess if money is in it. Silly people so emotional over nothing.

David Spark May 12, 2015 at 10:46 am

Love your answer Chris.

Terry Yonka May 17, 2015 at 5:12 am

That’s because your moron toward getting excited over something as stupid as someone sharing your facebook postings without even a “LIKE” or at your consent to share the post…”Do You Know How The Delete or Unfriend Button Works???” …I think NOT!!!

David Spark May 17, 2015 at 5:32 pm

Terry, be careful calling people a “moron” when you use the inappropriate version of “you’re.” It doesn’t play well in your favor.

Muhd Faezin (Tiago - Rio 2) May 25, 2015 at 5:42 am

LOL :D

Robin May 28, 2015 at 7:57 am

I have a female friend on FB that posts selfies of herself a couple times a week and then sits back while a tota?ly male group of her friends comments about how beautiful she is! It’s always the same group of men and the comments add up quickly as she goes in and makes flirtatious responses to all their comments. Today she tagged only herself in one of the photos she already posted a week ago so it’s back on my wall! Did she do that just so the photo would be posted again or could there be another reason? HOW ANNOYING!

David Spark May 28, 2015 at 8:43 am

I’ve seen this behavior before, and it’s annoying, but honestly who doesn’t like to be complimented for any reason? Your friend is insanely vain, and it seems you’re supremely jealous too. Unfriend her or turn off her posts.

Robin May 28, 2015 at 10:42 am

Get over yourself. I know how Facebook works…I don’t need you to tell me how to avoid this chick’s posts. I was merely trying to find out if a person would tag a picture of themselves a week after they originally posted it for any other reason than to get more attention. I was mildly annoyed when I posted the question and the LAST thing I am is insanely jealous of this person! I’m very capable of posting my own selfies, which I’m pretty confident would get me similar male attention but, contrary to your opinion that everyone likes to be complimented for any reason, I’m not looking for validation of my looks from a bunch of dudes looking to get laid! Thanks anyway…you are probably one of those dudes.

David Spark May 28, 2015 at 10:48 am

Ah, personal attacks. Well, I’m to blame for throwing the first stone. My apologies. You’re not jealous. Yes, of course that’s why she did it.

Robin May 28, 2015 at 1:48 pm

Thanks…I think I will unfollow her. I think she’s got FB confused with Match.com.

Satyrigahl June 2, 2015 at 12:05 am

Possibly one day you are the best of friends with someone and then the next you are UNFRIENDED for no apparent reason at all.I hate FB and deleted mine.I do not miss it one bit

Sheena K June 3, 2015 at 4:37 pm

I usually add a “Tag: Thank you Friend” so they know I stole it and am happy to share it.

Thornye Rose June 24, 2015 at 11:08 pm

sick of the phrase ‘reach out’. what ever happened to just contacting somebody :(

David Spark June 25, 2015 at 12:07 pm

Thornye, this ranks up there with, “We need to get together sometime,” or “We need to grab coffee.” That puts the onus on the other person to set it up often. If the person truly means that they’ll make it happen.

Violet Wise August 4, 2015 at 8:57 am

I hate it when people you know from real life do not OPEN your messages and they appear as ¨Not seen¨ for ages. Don’t they ever see there’s a pending message which they haven’t seen? I think this is done on purpose by people who have serious social behaviour problems. It’s some kind of passive aggressive way of playing with people, as they keep you intrigued about the reasons why they didn not open the damned message!!

David Spark August 10, 2015 at 10:09 am

Don’t put too much weight on it. In some cases people actually don’t go on Facebook and don’t check their email. I know a lot of people who do that with LinkedIn.

Molly Helmm August 28, 2015 at 8:03 pm

I don’t know about you, though what irritates me the most is the lack of emotion and tone people put in their posts/statements online. I dislike how many people just assume we’re going to know what they mean or whether they were joking and act surprised when they get people disapproving of what they say.

I don’t see why people cannot just be clear about what they mean to say instead of just assuming people will get it, just because they feel what they say is self explanatory. If something is found to be vaguely worded to someone, I hate how people fire back with “I was obviously joking”

You know, it’s hard for some people to detect what tone people are setting with what they say on the internet, it’s not their fault they got confused, which is why it is important to try and make yourself clear so there is no need for assumptions.

ladybug September 7, 2015 at 11:22 am

Now, it’s called “selfies” I hate that term :/

ladybug September 7, 2015 at 11:28 am

Well, SPARK, I don’t want to grab coffee, or get together sometime. I just want to say happy birthday. I mean that.

Charmaine Sims September 29, 2015 at 4:59 am

That is something I also find rude and inconsiderate, although maybe not intentionally, and probably only to a slight degree, but if I share someone else’s post, I ALWAYS “like” it first, and usually also tell them in the comments that I am going to share it and thank them.
When people share my posts without the slightest of acknowledgements, it slightly irritates me.

Rocky Road October 5, 2015 at 7:41 am

I don’t agree with the Happy Birthday thing. Usually it’s good style not to spam, but on birthdays almost everyone I know thinks it’s just good fun to have a spamflood of happy birthdays on the timeline of the birthdayboy/girl. Of course it’s somewhat lame to only write “Happy birthday” so you get brownie points for saying it somewhat more creative and/or posting a good picture with it.
It’s comparable with confetti or fireworks.
Just don’t ever do it on any other day.

Also the “Happy birthday” has great influence on the pesky facebook algorithms that dictate how much you see of one another. Having at least a few times a year that you can post something in a regular way prevents you from facebook deciding to hide someone from someone else’s timeline. Of course you should be able to prevent this by normal posting but facebook is way too strict with this. The regular pattern of posting something helps a lot in fooling this algoritm in our favors.

Rocky Road October 5, 2015 at 7:44 am

Selfies can serve a purpose but many people are using them wrong. Either you post a selfie to show off a really creative look or you show that you are present in a certain cool situation.
In the latter case it is important that the person taking the selfie shouldn’t occupy too much of the space so the focus is on the situation.
And here is what most often goes wrong and results in incredibly boring selfies….

Patti October 8, 2015 at 3:14 pm

Couldn’t agree more! It’s like telling a joke and getting no laugh or response but someone turns around and tells that joke that they just heard from you and they all walk away laughing. Lol

Patti October 8, 2015 at 3:21 pm

Waaaa. Cuz two actions are hard! It’s rude. People share for a reason. Basically they share for socialization. If no one says a word about your recipe you just shared, then share it with all their friends, it’s rude. A like is like saying thanks or its at least acknowledging that you appreciate it. Compare it to being in person. You wouldn’t accept a written recipe without at least saying thank you.

Patti October 8, 2015 at 3:38 pm

I don’t like it when someone tells you, verbally, that they saw your post and they want to talk about it, but they never liked it or commented on it at the time. People like to get likes and comments. That’s why they post! People post to socialize. That’s why it’s called social media.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:10 am

Thank for your reply. I am taking notes on what others say about
so-called friends, who doesn’t take time to “like” or even mention to
share what I post. thanks so much. I hope you don’t mind if I use some
of your information.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:12 am

Thanks for your reply on this matter. I hope you don’t mind if I use some of your comments.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:12 am

Thank for your reply. I am taking notes on what others say about
so-called friends, who doesn’t take time to “like” or even mention to
share what I post. thanks so much. I hope you don’t mind if I use some
of your information.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:13 am

Thanks for your reply on this matter. I hope you don’t mind if I use some of your comments.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:14 am

Thanks for your reply on this matter. I hope you don’t mind if I use some of your comments for my face book page..

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:15 am

Thanks for your comments about this matter. I hope you don’t mind if I use some of you in sights on my face book page.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:15 am

Thank for your reply. I am taking notes on what others say about so-called friends, who doesn’t take time to “like” or even mention to share what I post. thanks so much. I hope you don’t mind if I use some of your information.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:21 am

Thanks for commenting on this issue. I hope you don’t mind if I use some of you comments to post on my facebook page.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:25 am

Me too, thanks, you used the right word, NARCISTIC.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:26 am

I hate them too. thanks for your comments..

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:29 am

Thanks I total agree with your comments.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:40 am

I agree. thanks.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:41 am

Lol, me too, so I am deleting the other 90%. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:46 am

Really, but as of now I sends each one of a them messages telling them not to request their gaming to me. But someone told me, it’s not them, I think face book automatic sends out those requests to you. But your comment will be a good idea. It will send me time. LOL!

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:55 am

Thanks for your comments, I hope you don’t mind if I use some of your material.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:58 am

Lol, I like your comment, I hope you don’t mind if I share some of your comments. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 9:59 am

Oh my! but you are so true, Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 10:03 am

You comments are so true, even though I don’t celebrate Christmas, the ones I get I do read then trash them. Thanks.I hope you don’t mind it I share some of your comments.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 10:05 am

I really wonder if they know it’s just rumors but post them anyway just to get attention, but I always go to Snopes,com to find if it’s true. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 10:08 am

You are so right, that is the reason I am taking notes of you all comments and will share them with your permission to do so.I will be venting for a while. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 10:22 am

But Mr.Spark it does makes you feel appreciated when, first let me say this, ” when people request to be your friend” and when your accept them, they never take a second to say “thanks, hello, like or nothing, But then they start posting all of their crap on your News Feed. That to me if selfish, attention seeking and plain narcistic. Hope I spelled that correctly. But thanks for your comments.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 10:24 am

That is so true, there goes that word I was looking for, “passive aggression narcissism.” Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 10:48 am

That is exactly my thoughts. The reason I found this site is to see if others thoughts and feelings were the same as I mind. I agree with totally your comments, and I hope if you don’t mind if I shared some of your thoughts. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 10:56 am

I like your comments. I never thought of that, but reading it makes sense to me. I hope I can remember that. But still if Fb does that, what irritates me is people inbox you requesting to be your friend and never ever bother to say thanks, hello, or mark like. That to me tells me a lot about a person’s character.And without hurting their feeling I kindly unfollow or block them. Thanks.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:06 am

Amen to that. I don’t or haven’t dealt with jerks, but I am a very compassionate person to other people thoughts and I usually ask questions or just google their post trying to find something concerning their post. If its legit I will mark like. Someone posted a comment stating that Columbus discovered America, I didn’t disagree but I just googled and asked the question. I found out if was untrue and I replied with what I found out about their post. So I didn’t mark like,but I just left it alone.. Thanks for your comments.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:07 am

True, very true. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:24 am

Mr. Sparks you are a person I would very much like to connect with. I have sit here and read all your comments and replies. I am just going to ask you some questions. Are you a passive, un passive, emotional, unemotional person? Maybe you are neither,, but some of your comments are very hurtful, and just maybe you should consider rewording your replies or comments as not to hurt others feelings about their comments..I hope you are not intentionally, being rude or unaware how you respond, but some of your replies, not so much of your comments are not very nice or colorful and in somewhat rude and unnecessary. Sometimes it’s better if you just read and not respond.. Just think about it!

David Spark October 14, 2015 at 11:27 am

Becky, thanks for taking so much time with this post. My responses are often done for humor as is this article. In other cases people choose to be rude to me and I may send a jab back, but it’s always done with gentle humor. Then again, that’s my intention and it’s possible that some people, like yourself, may find it caustic.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:29 am

Sad! Mr. Spark, but now I consider your name and can understand your character.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:31 am

Well. I think most comment applies to people who are your face book friends.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:38 am

I don’t remember everyone either and I’m sure most people don’t remember 100% of them. But not to get no, nada, zipo shout-outs on your Birthday from your friends list is literally selfish and plain oh rude and feeling unappreciated for even excepting these so called friends or, (word I don’t usually use) “jerks”. Mr. Sparks.WHO ARE YOU?

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:54 am

Of course, I think most people commenting on picture taking of oneself (selfies) is not a journal. I think what your posts are beautiful of something that mean so much to you that you want to share with your friends and others, But some people post daily 5-10 selfies. That’s annoying and irritable. Not even mentioning anything why they are doing it,but just glorifies them selves. It’s ok to love yourself and appreciate who you are,, but come on that’s a passive-aggressive narcistic person. It’s not colorful and has no meaning to the viewers. I never respond to anyone that does this, but I just kindly unfollow them, if necessary block them without notice. Expressing events, businesses, I will always support those posts. Thanks.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:58 am

I totally agree. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 11:59 am

I agree. I am constantly, deleting, blocking lots of unnecessary stuff on my overfilled News Feed. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 12:04 pm

Stephen I do the same. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 12:12 pm

I totally agree. There are some comedies I had to block because after reminding them to watch their foul language, not so funny post, that there are young children, Christians and other viewers that’s on Fb and it’s just not appropitiate and disrespecting. Want to ignore me, I will kindly ignore you and block you plain and simple. Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 12:13 pm

Agree! Thanks

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 12:21 pm

Well. why would a person take time to inbox you requesting to be your Fb friend, then you never hear from them again? But instead they post all of their crap on your page or News Feed.. Like I said, I never respond to self servicing people like that, but I watch them a couple days or weeks, if they never acknowledge or reading my posts, then why should I want to read their crap. I kindly unfollow them, if necessary block them. And I’m a very nice person.

Becky Coleman October 14, 2015 at 12:32 pm

That’s maybe one of my goals one day. I am a, well let me call it seeking spiritual information Christian. I only post most of the things I read about in my daily Bible study, and some of it I don’t understand, so I clearly make that known to most of my Christian friends. Others I don’t expect they to respond. I have asked for prayer from people who announces themselves as, Prayer Warriors, Pastors, Ministries, Bishops and never respond to my request for prayer. Like I always do to these self serving people is kindly block them, or unfollow them. They are meaningless to me.. I’m sure God don’t mind..

Charmaine Sims October 14, 2015 at 2:41 pm

Thanks, Becky! And no, not at all! Um, meaning, no, I don’t mind at all! You are exemplifying the type of etiquette I wish was more in use, as in acknowledging, and requesting. This is what I try to do, and even though there are no written or hard fast rules, it would be nice if people followed basic manners. Thanks again!

Charmaine Sims October 14, 2015 at 2:45 pm

HAHA

Satyrigahl October 16, 2015 at 1:42 am

That is fair enough.FB is not for everyone

James October 17, 2015 at 8:53 am

Why do some FB members get offended when I post non-offensive links on their wall?

Thornye Rose October 18, 2015 at 8:02 pm

Fewer than that had the decency to even acknowledge my association with a public shooting. “Friends”? I think not.

Hugo October 22, 2015 at 12:29 pm

Social media is overrated!

romcom November 29, 2015 at 9:01 pm

How about when people who you know are sad and miserable post fake I’m so happy – not saying you should air your dirty laundry but how about just not out right lieing?! Makes other normal people feel like something is wrong with them because they cant achieve your level of fake happy.

romcom November 29, 2015 at 9:05 pm

Or. When someone posts “I really love and respect all the beajtiful, smart, strong women in my life such as , (insert 20 names here)” and you’re name doesnt make the list. OUCH

romcom November 29, 2015 at 10:20 pm

Yes, the i need to be told im pretty posts are so transparent and yes its usually the same groupies that say different variations of “you’re hot” – yes they are but why the need to perpetuate this cycle over and over – wouldnt you gee i dont know ever want to hear any other type of complement such as that place you are at makes good pizza or you are so smart to go to the best…. whatever you know not setting women back by only commenting on physical appearance. Im hot i know it so lets talk about something else people

romcom November 29, 2015 at 10:28 pm

I find a fb birthday message meaningless. You didnt remember me – you were prompted. Send it a week early then maybe . Lol

sincerely December 17, 2015 at 6:01 pm

Sure. Lol. Like, yesterday I posted something I Don’t totally agree with but wanted to comment in hopes others agreed with ky comment. Instead someone threw a tizzy that I was being tacky. Although, almost every one of their posts are tacky in my view but I don’t tell them. Why do some people pick on posts they don’t like with personal insults every time they dislike something if they aren’t being picked on? They enjoy conflict, or is it their arrogance? I wonder. Since, I generally steer clear of insults at least toward my friend lists.

sincerely December 17, 2015 at 6:04 pm

It bothers me to a small degree but then I realize it’s kind of the point of sharing. And sometimes I simply forget to like it in my excitement and generally it’s not their original post either so I figure they’ll be okay with it being re shared. If I think it was their original, I ask them or don’t re post out of respect.

Payton Jett January 8, 2016 at 10:56 am

Drives me batty when people tag their friends on MY wall and MY posts. People I don’t even know sometimes and they tag their friends which I’m obviously not friends with. Take the post and share it on YOUR wall and then tag your friends. I can’t get over how LAZY people are!! it’s like standing in my studio taking to each other but not to me. SO RUDE. PEOPLE STOP DOING THIS. It’s a good way to show just how inconsiderate you are!!!

McKenzie Freeman February 3, 2016 at 3:28 pm

My husband and I get to vacation more than most. Only because our son works for AA. We are blessed and never boast about our trips. But we do like posting pics of the places we go and hope that others would find our pics beautiful or interesting and maybe even inquire. Unfortunately, we get very few likes and/or comments and are left to believe that FB friends are jealous, resentful, or just plain mean spirited. In fact, we’ve had so-called church friends acknowledge the photos in person but they never like or comment on FB. To the contrary, other people on FB can post pics of their vacation pics..even if they visit the same place over and over…. and still get over a 100 likes. It makes no sense to me. How can people be so rude and/or jealous??

David Spark February 4, 2016 at 5:58 pm

Oh, if only we could get more likes for the photos of our trips. Honestly, here are the main reasons people get more likes on their content:
– They comment and like a lot of their friends’ content.
– They have a huge network compared to yours (tons of followers, maybe not friends)

And per your last comment, how can they be so rude and/or jealous? That’s you projecting it on them. How do you know? It’s very likely it’s not true. What you’re looking for is more acknowledgement for your vacation photos. It’s kind of petty, isn’t it? Move on. :)

Sharon Szymczak February 22, 2016 at 4:51 pm

What annoys me about FB, probably the only issue, are people that post all the time, but never reciprocate the “like” on anything you post, even when you’ve “liked” their posts. Hey, just throw a person a friendly bone every now and then. Selfish bastards. “It’s all about me.” Lol.

David Spark February 22, 2016 at 5:22 pm

We’re all self absorbed

Mel March 6, 2016 at 8:05 am

I find it really rude when you post nice photos or memories of a great occasion or friendship and that person who is always checking FB decides to not like the status, and since it’s personal, other people rarely like it either since it doesn’t apply to them so you’re left there hanging to some extent feeling silly. Maybe other people don’t have this issue but I find a lot of FB users to be pretty rude about admitting that they see these posts – as though it’s ‘cool’ to ‘miss’ everything.

David Spark March 6, 2016 at 1:35 pm

Wow Mel, that’s a serious case of “why aren’t people paying more attention to me?” We’re all self-absorbed, but think about it, is it really “rude” to not like your vacation or friendship photos?

Mel March 7, 2016 at 6:09 pm

It has nothing to do with ‘people paying more attention to me’ at all, in fact, when I’m out with others, I really don’t feel comfortable being the centre of attention so you have the complete wrong personality pegged there, sorry to disappoint; however, I’m HUGE on manners online and offline and if someone writes something such as ‘I had a wonderful time with so-and-so’, then posts a perfectly lovely image of this individual enjoying some sort of occasion with their friends (including myself or not necessarily), it’s common sense to either ‘like’ it or state in the comments, yes I enjoyed connecting as well, etc. Imagine if you will, walking up to someone in the street and saying ‘it’s so wonderful seeing you after all this time’ and the person turns and walks away LOL!! How is this any different? Think about it..

David Spark March 7, 2016 at 6:12 pm

Well, I don’t think we’re obliged to like an image, comment, post, etc. even if we do like the event. That’s something that Facebook would like us all to do because it increases their activity. There’s honestly no requirement. What’s even more bizarre and this happens all the time is when someone proactively hands you their business card with their contact information. You follow up with them and they don’t respond. Now that’s a social faux pas.

Mel March 7, 2016 at 6:19 pm

Of course ‘we’re not obliged’ technically speaking, you’re also not obliged to say thank you when someone offers you a hand with something in life, etc. Being polite is voluntary but it goes a long way when people try to be – at least in my books. It says a lot about their character. I can’t say I’ve encountered the issue with the business card…the odd time I’m followed up, they jumped on a response as it’s usually something to do with ‘potential revenue generation’. Anyway, the writer asked people to submit what they thought was rude, so I did. I don’t expect everyone to agree, it’s just my humble opinion.

David Spark March 8, 2016 at 9:46 pm

Mel, you’re damn right. :) Thanks for your opinion. I do really appreciate it.

magdimus March 23, 2016 at 6:52 am

For me, it is only considered okay to re-share something without any further actions (i.e. a like, comment or mention), if it is a breaking news story, or something that is explicitly designated for sharing. In every other case, I perceive such a behavior as rude. Especially, if someone re-shares content without a like all the time.
It feels a bit like that person is coming to your home, sees something he or she likes, and takes it without asking.

David Spark March 23, 2016 at 7:09 am

problem with the scenario you paint is that your home is private and you haven’t published what’s in your home to the outside world. Once you publish something to the outside world, then it is assumed you want people to pass it along. That’s assuming you distribute it as “public.” If you post it to only “friends” then it would be a little more like what you described, but not exactly. Regardless, if you distribute as only “friends” then anyone sharing it won’t get distribution farther than just your friends.

Kathryn April 9, 2016 at 4:22 am

I totally agree with you Sharon! I have a few ‘so called’ Facebook friends who I am always liking posts/photos of their kids and when I post one of mine they don’t even have the decency to ‘like’ it. Selfish bitches!!! You know who has a heart and who doesn’t!

David Spark April 11, 2016 at 7:07 am

Yikes Kathryn! There’s a lot that goes into being your Facebook friend. BTW, just be aware of this basic discrepancy in kids photos. I can look at 1 million photos of my own kids. I can only stomach 3 photos of your kids.

Scott Wigner April 19, 2016 at 9:19 pm

I found this to be rude. I thanked someone that I know on facebook when they wished me an early happy birthday. I wrote on there facebook wall and thanked them for what they said and for being really nice. Well that person deleted my post on there facebook wall. Is that right??

Mel May 20, 2016 at 3:44 pm

When someone just shared your post without liking it as if it’s a mortal sin to hit the LIKE button. For me, it’s disrespectful. I’m not sure if others feel the same. But honestly, I do.

Brian May 24, 2016 at 6:45 am

I think typing Happy Birthday to Facebook friends is great. it really does touch people. What is not great is that the birthday people do not send personal thank you’s. They expect you to read their page when they write a thank you to everyone instead of writing and sending individual thank you’s to each person who took the time to write Happy Birthday or even a photo of a cake or whatever. Some don’t even click ‘like” on your birthday message. Even if you have 500 friends, take the time to show appreciation to each one. Also, answer people when they show you support. Instead many people keep posting photos of themselves. What’s another word for masturbating? Thanks for hearing me out.

Brian May 24, 2016 at 6:59 am

Seriously, people do not feel jealous or resentful. Many people do not have the time to look at your photos. You must realize they may have a friend or relative in a coma, or someone in their family who just died, or have to work overtime for 3 months solid or in exam time at university or on jury duty or going through medical treatments or have a court case coming up, or don’t have internet and just check in at the library once in a while, so looking at your pics is something they really have no time for. There are many others that good, kind, caring, respectful people do not comment on your photographs. Post your photos without expecting a compliment and use to time to volunteer and help others. I think you are full of yourself to think the way you described. Why don’t you contact your friend the old fashioned way – invite them to dinner and find out how they are doing?

LEBRA DAVIS May 28, 2016 at 6:48 am

I hate that!!! We dont need a picture every single day of the week. I well aware of how you look!

LEBRA DAVIS May 28, 2016 at 6:50 am

Right!!!

LEBRA DAVIS May 28, 2016 at 6:52 am

I totally agree!!! I dont want to see a picture of you every single day of the week. Im well aware of how you look!!!

LEBRA DAVIS May 28, 2016 at 6:54 am

Agreed

EJW June 16, 2016 at 6:24 am

Lol Just found this and tried to read through most of the posts but gave up. Most of my friends are in my acquaintance folder on FB. Or, I stopped following them so that I don’t get updates. Then, when I feel like taking a look, I go to “acquaintances” to see what they are doing. Maybe once a month. That got rid of a whole bunch of stuff in my feed.

confused June 16, 2016 at 10:00 am

rather than a rant, more like a question. Does anyone feel annoyed when your friend/s delete posts you have commented on? Likewise, does it affect you if they refuse to/delete a tag you have made on your own posts? I AM that friend, although i do it out of keeping my wall free and to prevent associating my name with random/blanket tagging. Am i being RUDE?

ear bitated June 29, 2016 at 10:12 am

I am new to facebook and only have my actual real life friends on there. I find it irritating when one of your friends (who also has nearly all your facebook friends on their facebook friends list) re-posts every blinkin’ thing you put on your timeline onto their timeline. I got so irritated that I told them I was no longer going to waste my time posting on my own timeline and would now put everything directly on theirs. All I got in response was a giggle.

I am wondering July 18, 2016 at 10:35 am

Does anyone get annoyed when someone takes your picture (without asking) and then posts on FB where you are and who you are with? If I want to take my picture and post it along with where I am at, I can do that myself! I think it is so rude!

Adelina July 18, 2016 at 11:23 pm

The one that cracks me up is a friend who posts and gets easily offended. On one of her posts she put a picture of a well known actor (the photo is from the public domain, taken from another Internet page) which I liked and shared (it appeared on my wall, it is not as if I went seeking for it on hers). She promptly told me off for doing so as she only intended it for another friend and other times she has practically bitten my head off for replying to messages that were supposedly only to be for others though this was not really made clear. If keeping things private was the case why did she not simply send an e-mail or a pm to those people instead of putting it into a public page for all to see.

Nenah July 27, 2016 at 8:27 am

Everyone who is posting is not doing it to get attention though. There are just some truly mean people on social media who just have to lash out and attack whomever they can whenever they can based on their bias against your skin color, your Christianity or other religious beliefs, your gender, your difference of opinion. I’m finding that I can’t even take part in an innocent hashtag on Twitter without some random stranger choosing out MY tweets and replying. MadmomMadmon, Vala Kaye, AllAmericanHolly(raist who attacks Blacks) are the worst.

I could say #ILoveKittensJustBecause and one of these bullies I mentioned would find a way to fit a backhanded comment into it about how I’M a horrible human being when I haven’t been horrible to ANYONE, INCLUDING THEM, about ANYTHING. I had no idea that loving Jesus and taking part in a hashtag to express it was some form of cruelty.

I don’t reply to ANYONE AT ALL if I can help it. I don’t insult or demean people and I certainly don’t post offensive things to hurt anyone personally. I mostly keep to myself so why can’t other users keep to THEIRS?

Katie August 18, 2016 at 12:09 pm

Only read first couple of posts, and I am shocked by the idiocracy. Why the hell are people getting worked up over someone putting pictures of themself on facebook? News flash. Everyone is narcissistic. To judge someone negatively because they are putting up pictures of themself is narcissistic because it makes it seem like you are better than them. You aren’t. Talking about fing sensitive society. Dont you guys have anything better to do than to find reasons to defriend all your friends on fb?

Yes I realize the irony to this post, and I do not care. I have better shit to do than to tell everyone how stupid they are.

Think I am stupid? Guess what? Me too. Beat you to the punch.

Katie August 18, 2016 at 12:12 pm

Maybe we should spend our time worrying about more pressing issues than proper facebook etiquette.

Jii October 24, 2016 at 2:28 am

I’m not trying to be mean, but doesn’t this article seem a little hypocritical with David Spark talking about things he hates about social media and inadvertently ending up drawing all of this attention towards him?

Although I can understand that there are things about social media that can be slightly irritating, it’s also worth noting that many of the features you talk about are there for your convenience, and often would be taken down if the majority of the users dislike it. I can also understand that by getting a notification telling you about your friend’s birthday and later telling them “Happy Birthday” might sound degrading, but there are people who simply may not remember very well, and that shouldn’t be a reason to judge their friendship. A simple “Happy Birthday” may sound small to some, but the fact that people actually took the three seconds to write that meant they care, and that care can easily be expressed through a couple words!!

I hope that you don’t mean to be rude in any way, and nor do I mean to be rude in any way, but some people might think differently, and express their thoughts and feelings likewise. So instead of ranting about something you hate, just like a person called ‘confused’ who commented here earlier said, perhaps you should question it or wonder out loud to why people may do this.

Have a nice day, btw!!
<3

David A Spark October 24, 2016 at 7:42 am

Jii:

You’re not being mean, but I don’t think you’re accurate about your commentary of the article. The article is supposed to be an opinion piece and I expressed my opinion. You don’t agree with that, and that’s perfectly fine. Other people don’t agree with it either.

But, you claim I’m being “hypocritical” and yet you don’t show any evidence of that. I think what you’re trying to say is I’m being negative, and yes I am, but that’s my take. And at the end you ask me not to be negative. Yes, lots of people disagree, and I expected that, because these are behaviors that go on all the time. I’m just pointing out the irritation in them.

As for the “Happy Birthday” example, I think you have missed the point of my comment. I have no problem with people acknowledging a birthday. My problem, and I’ve repeated this many times, is people don’t take the effort to do ANYTHING ELSE than just write the words “Happy Birthday.” So yes, acknowledge someone’s birthday, but don’t be lazy about it and say or do something else than just the words “Happy Birthday.”

If you disagree with me, that’s perfectly fine. That’s your opinion. I expressed my opinion. If I were being hypocritical I would have said, “Happy Birthday.” …Maybe that was more sarcastic.

Frangela November 8, 2016 at 8:24 am

If you do these things and don’t know you’re being rude then you need to re-evaluate your sense of self and how you act.

Ellen November 24, 2016 at 10:06 am

What I also like to add to the list is adding false stories or hoaxes and making people feel guilty for not sharing the same outrage or feeling. While not too often, a friend of mine will post something on FB and say something like “This really disgusts me” or “I really hate it when people are like this”, etc. I would sometimes check out the story only to find out that it was all a hoax.

David A Spark November 27, 2016 at 4:26 pm

Ellen, most people don’t like to be publicly told they’ve been duped. I once was duped and a friend DM’ed me to let me know the story was bogus and he helped me save face and I deleted the post.

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Mama February 28, 2017 at 6:39 pm

I wonder if I am being too sensitive. I opened a private Facebook group to keep people abreast of our journey of retiring, and moving from one state to another. Through selling our home, packing, having major surgery, moving out to a furnished rental…three times. Picking land in the mountains and now building our home. I asked the people who I would be willing to share and got enthusiastic replies. It hurts me to know that they have seen the post but neither liked it or commented on it. I feel like I would like to remove them from the group. I don’t know if it would be rude or just plain childish. I guess I am feeling lonely when my friends want to hear all about my “adventures” and then not even “like” the post. Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks!

Wendy April 11, 2017 at 5:36 am

Men should know that calling a woman “Dear” as in “How are you feeling today Dear?” is patronizing and makes one feel elderly. I feel like they haven’t bothered to remember my name. I also hate Memes that say,”Like this and share,” as if we aren’t smart enough to do that ourselves.

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Great and people shouldn’t take advantage and try and just use others and take there kindness for granted

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Bern H December 17, 2017 at 1:15 pm

Know what bugs me? That I stumble upon a site or posts, decide I want to engage only to realize the last post is dated s year or more back! Please help this “green” poster understand—- are these “posting cemeteries” long abandoned? If yes (or no) please respond using my email address! Also , if this is dead stuff then purge your page Dave! ?

BB December 23, 2017 at 1:21 am

One of the rudest things people do on Facebook is post photos of someone without permission.

I hosted a family get-together last night. One of my nieces took photos of me and posted them on Facebook without my permission. Today, after I saw them, I wanted to crawl under a rock. They were awful. I’d been up since 4 AM, cooking and cleaning for the party and the photos were taken late in the evening when I was exhausted. I looked tired, fat, and bloated. My hair was messy and my make-up was long gone.

I’m so embarrassed! I’ve been upset all day long, because of this.

And if anyone is wondering, yes, I’ve politely asked her to remove them, telling her that I’m a very private person and don’t want photos of me or the interior of my home posted online, but, so far, I’ve not heard from her.

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Gwendolyn Davis April 16, 2018 at 6:42 pm

I find “Social Media” to be Place for some people to “HIDE” they Literally Wear Mask and Pretend to be People that they are NOT, well,, I know some People who act that way, it Boggles my Mind when people I “Know” get on “On-Line” and act as if they Don’t know Me,, Well,,they don’t Acknowledge Me,, not like they would if they were if they saw Me. My Friendlist? On facebook..I Know You,, but that’s about It,, we don’t Hang Out or anything,,I have people Following Me, that I don’t know,, and my Profile Pics? I change them Quick,, and Make them “Only Me” (No Validation Wanted) No Likes,,don’t want them. “INFJ” So Birthdays? Wow,,I was reading a Paragraph a ways Up where someone said they didn’t post their birthday ‘ (Next Year) I will be doing the Same thing Removing my Birthdate,,the recognition although “Appreciated” I’ll be Good without it,, Having Numerous Friends,, and so Much Fakery on “Fakebook” can be ‘Exhausting”, however,”It is,,what it is”,, Social Media” there are “Assholes” Everywhere,, and Plenty of them Throughout those Sites,,Some days are ‘Good” Some Days are “Great”,, some Days I just Don’t “Log In” But I treat People “Accordingly”. I choose to Deal with them.

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