It’s been years, but I used to work as a stand up comic (scroll to the bottom to see a video of me on stage). On my way up the comedy food chain, I performed at a lot of open mike nights. Performing at an open mike night is the only way you can get better at your craft to become a working comic, and simultaneously it’s the only way clubs find, book, and promote new local talent.
A comedian friend of mine just forwarded me this email that is sent out regularly to performers of the open mike night at the Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville, TN. It’s a collection of rules for open mike performers. Zanies is a successful comedy club chain that’s been in business for more than 30 years. The club still books good A-list headliners such as Dave Attell, Margaret Cho, and Jeffrey Ross. Before I jump into the email of rules, a little about…
The rise and fall of stand up comedy
In the 80s, there were thousands of comedy clubs across the country. The comedy club industry was flying high. They could do no wrong. Audiences would pack in clubs night after night. Crappy acts you never heard of, with no TV exposure, could be making six figures working the road. But by the early 90s the comedy boom fell apart and there were only a few hundred left, as explained by my friend and comedian, Barry Weintraub, former publisher of Comedy USA, which used to be the industry’s directory of clubs, bookers, and comedians.
Since the post comedy club boom downturn, we’ve seen a series of desperation moves by comedy club owners to get people to come to their club, sit, watch, and pay for a show. The first and most common move has been “papering the house” which is the practice of giving away free tickets, yet making money on the back end through food and a two drink minimum.
“Papering the house” only looked at solving the immediate needs of comedy club owners. The decision to “paper” didn’t take into account the potential damage it was going to do to the comedy club industry as a whole. No other art form treats its customers this way. Comedy clubs have formed a relationship with customers that’s based on trickery. Come to our establishment for free and then we force you to pay to get out.
Be the king of your own world, manage a comedy club
I started comedy around 1989 and got to participate in maybe three years of the boom of stand up comedy before I watched it fall apart. And I thought comedy had fallen far enough, until I saw these rules for performing, written by the manager of the Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville, TN. Below, in blue, is a copy of the rules he sends out to all open mike performers. I’ve added my indented comments throughout.
New Open Mic Rules are below. Please read carefully! Yes these rules do apply to all Open Mic performers. No Exceptions!
Standard Open Mic Rules are as follows:
1. Each performer is required to bring at least 4 guests. The more guests the better for you and all other performers.
a. Zanies will provide you with Complimentary “Open Mic Night” tickets.
b. The Tickets may be picked up from Zanies during the evening when shows are scheduled (check the Calendar on our website). Or from our office located at the House at 809 South Douglas Avenue (directly behind the Dollar General Store) from 10am to 4pm Monday thru Friday.
c. If your guests are No Shows then you must wait two months before you can sign up again. Therefore every performer must have guests attend the show.
When you’re just starting out in comedy, and you get to perform on a real stage like Zanies, it’s incredibly stressful. If your ability to perform is dependent on your friends showing up, the club manager has just adding another level of stress and that’s not going to give you a better performance. Isn’t the goal to have your performers do their best job possible?
2. Out of respect to every performer; you and your quests are required to stay through the entire show and just not your set.
I guess the previous technique of locking the doors and chaining people to their seats wasn’t working.
I like how he begins the sentence with “Out of respect to every performer” and then makes a completely inappropriate demand of his customers that shows he has absolutely no respect for their time or their patronage.
For the first performance at Zanies, getting four friends to come to a show is not difficult. But given that many of his performers are only allowed a few minutes on stage (a few had only 90 second slots! Some 3 minutes and others got 5 minutes), it’s really asking a lot of your friends to make them sit through a two hour show just to see you perform for a few minutes.
I’m sure the next day open mikers hear the same conversation from their friends: “Yeah, you were pretty good, but geez the rest of the comedians were horrible. We’ll see you again. Just call me when you’re not performing at another open mike night.”
3. Each guest is required to purchase two items inside the club that can be met in any food or beverage or food/beverage combination. This requirement keeps Zanies in business.
This is a sad reality as mentioned above. Comedy clubs have formed an indirect pay for performance commerce mechanism, that’s not based on trust.
4. Minimum age requirement is 18 years of age or older with a valid photo ID for both performers and guests.
Yeah, that’s because there are going to be dirty words. Or that’s what I thought…
5. Excessive Vulgar Language is frowned upon. Please do not make us have to ban you from performing. TIP: If you are really serious about pursuing a comedy career then you will have to perform clean as an MC on a consistent basis.
“Excessive vulgar language is frowned upon. Please do not make us have to ban you from performing.” That’s a great opening line. You know he would never say that out loud. Comedy club owners by their nature use excessive vulgar language. And there isn’t a single club owner that’s ever uttered the phrase, “is frowned upon.”
So let’s go through all the reasons that you will be banned from the comedy club: Your four friends don’t show up. Your four friends don’t stay for the entire show. You say the word “fuck” an arbitrary number of times that the club owner deems “excessive.” Also, see #7.
Here’s another suggestion for banning someone: IF THEY’RE NOT FUNNY!
Where’s that in the rules? Isn’t that kind of the whole purpose of a comedy club? Do the job of a comedian, generate laughs, and then you can perform again.
Imagine if a nightclub did that with their musicians: “It doesn’t matter if you can’t play a chord, just make sure your four friends show up and stay for an evening of people tuning up their guitars.”
6. Zanies is not a platform to voice your political views and opinions.
Future George Carlins, Mort Sahls, Bill Mahers, Chris Rocks, and Bill Hicks have no place in this club. Do we have any aspiring Carrot Tops?
Why did this guy choose to attack political comedy? Why didn’t he pick something else? “Zanies is not a platform to voice your opinions on airplane food or the differences between dogs and cats?” I think I could get behind that rule.
7. IMPORTANT: If you cannot make your confirmed date you must call Zanies (not email) at least 24 hours in advance so your time can be given to another performer. If you are a NO SHOW you will NEVER BE ALLOWED TO PERFORM AGAIN. NO EXCEPTIONS, don’t even try asking!
I don’t care if you just got in an accident or your mother just passed away. We have rules here at Zanies. You come to the club with your bloody stump or your mother’s death certificate, and you bring the funny!
What happened with Zanies?
In defense of the manager of this club, who I’ve never met, this list of rules was definitely not plan A. It was a move of desperation. I applaud the fact that he wanted to keep the open mike going. Many clubs have shut down their open mikes all together. And I think that move is bad for the comedy community as it doesn’t support the growth of talent.
While it is good that he’s keeping the open mike rolling, such dogmatic rules do not foster a relationship with your talent or your audience. I’m wondering, what happened at Zanies’ to cause the owner to create these rules. He must have been burned, but the question is did he weigh all the consequences of such a document?
For example, did he consider that a former comedian from San Francisco who had never met him or been to his club would write and publish such a snarky commentary?
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t know what’s worse, the club owner’s manifesto or your set from Punchline. I guess it’s the rules. Good one.
Would you like to send me a link to your set, and then you could win the “what’s worse” game.
The job of comedy club management is to create a place where both audience and comics WANT to go to. Find comics that are funny or show potential for growth, and treat audiences like welcomed guests. Unfortunately, rules like this only hurt the already damaged comedy scene.
Thanks for posting this. I was well entertained.
Most of the points are way out there, especially the ones related to content of material. Banning comedians from performing ever again could be shooting yourself in the foot if you are in a smaller market, besides that it sounds facist. Doesn’t Zanies know comedians are not motivated by fear? Self-doubt, yes, but fear, no.
But just a comment on the 2-item minimum thing (Number 3). As a manager of a comedy club, I can tell you this is a standard policy at full-time comedy clubs around the country, and has nothing to do with open mic night. There is generally a two-item minimum for audience members at all shows–pro or open mic, and this is certainly nothing new.
Requiring the open mic comedians to order and pay for 2 items, on the other hand, is serious baloney. They should at least get one free drink ticket, and not be required to order anything if they don’t want.
What’s more insipid is the “pay to play” open mic. You see a lot of that in NY. $5 for 5 minutes.
The comedy club industry is “down” right now (like the rest of the economy), and clubs have already started to go out of business around the country. Sounds like Zanies is making a desperate albeit misguided attempt to stay afloat. It costs a club $$ just to open its doors on any given night. To open its doors and then take a loss every open mic night is not good business.
So perhaps the question is…is it in the comedian’s best interest to help ensure that his/her home club stays afloat? If yes, what is said comedian then willing to put up with to have a full time club in which to work out? And is it selling out if they had no intention of paying you anyway?
Sounds like Zanies needs part of the new stimulus package, David. And you know nothing makes for a better comedy atmosphere than desperation.
It’s the kind of draconian measures called for in this Manager’s Manifesto that drives people — comics and civilians — away. Or worse, down the street to a one-nighter or competitor’s venue where the rules are more lax. Not to mention that most comedians starting out, if they even have friends, are other broke comedians starting out.
Zanies would be better off instituting an “Adopt A Comic” policy, along the lines of the program to help clean up the highways. Local business paying honorarium cover charges to pay for their foster comic.
Having run a comedy club back in the early heyday 80’s, these rules seem crazy but then, these are different times and people are going to try anything to try to stay in business. This just seems like an unfortunate misstep. The only good I can see coming of it is that the open mikers in Nashville are likely to get better faster not because they want to be funnier, but because they want to get on the paid bills later in the week.
I’m a comic based out of Nashville (see http://www.NashvilleStandUp.com for more of us) and I just wanted to point out a few things:
This isn’t a “desperate attempt” to keep Zanies afloat.. they’ve been open wed-sun forever and have now opened up an additional night (on tuesdays) for these open mic shows. Zanies isn’t hurting for money by any means. They do book A-listers Wed-Sun and sell out their shows regularly.
This is an opportunity for local guys who aren’t working at the club to get in the door and be seen. Competition for stage time at the club is fierce and these new shows are a welcome addition to the calendar.
These rules were written by someone who works in the front office.. not the manager or the booker. The 2-item minimum is a standard policy that is published on their website, and on the wall when you walk up to the ticket booth. When you buy tickets on the phone, they make sure you understand that before charging your credit card, too. It’s not a trick.. and it’s fairly universal at this point.
The fact is, no club is going to give a crap about you until you can put butts in the seats. Telling open mic’ers they need to find four people willing to watch them (with free tickets even) shouldn’t be a big deal. The guys I know who do these shows post a thing on craigslist or facebook offering free tickets and get swamped with requests from people who are thankful for a discounted night out. In my opinion, if your friends are still coming out to see you perform open mic’s, you’re not a comic yet. Once they’ve all seen it so many times they’re sick of it.. THEN you’re doing something. These guys should be working to build a following of complete strangers anyway.. the club is just encouraging them to do that. AND, who wants to do a show with eight people in the crowd? or worse, just the other comics on the bill? When Zanies gives me tickets to give away, I’m grateful.
The “excessive language” restriction is more often than not just a hoop to jump thru at these things. Some local open mic’ers hear that, whine about being restricted and then don’t pursue it any further.. which saves stagetime for the guys willing to take direction from a club that wants to develop their talent and book them as openers.
Now, I say fuck way too much.. but when I’m emceeing, it’s not MY show. It’s not my place to be filthy.. it’s my job to warm up the room and keep the show running smoothly. When I’m middling or closing, THEN it’s my time to fuckity-fuck-fuck all I want.
When you’re doing an open mic at a club – with the goal of someday getting paid to perform there – you might want to show them that you can be clever and funny. If your jokes *depend* on you saying “fuck” a lot, you’re probably not that funny anyway.
Which brings me to your suggestion that people be banned if they’re not funny. In Nashville, this goes without saying. If they’re not funny, chances are they won’t be back. If they’re REALLY not funny, they’ll get the light early. If they ignore the light, we’ll cut the mic and turn out the lights.
“Zanies is not a platform to voice your political views and opinions.” Trust me, if someone has a funny political joke.. nobody’s gonna say a word about it. This is aimed at the doofus who wants to get up and rant without a single punchline. Bill Hicks was a fantastic comedian.. with funny jokes. I know – the average 22-year-old openmic’er has listened to “relentless” a thousand times and *thinks* he’s “the next Bill Hicks” and his TRUTH can’t be STOPPED maaaannnnnn, but if it’s not funny nobody gives a crap.
Zanies is a great club. They HAVE to have some rules otherwise the shows would be garbage. Traditional comedy showrooms aren’t for everybody – I know brilliant comics who just can’t, won’t or don’t do ’em and that’s fine.. there is no shortage of stages around town. Setting expectations like this keeps those guys and the clueless goofballs from wasting their time and the club’s time.
Wow. Thanks everybody for your great thoughtful responses, especially you Chad. You’ve got the insider perspective.
Want to go over a few points you brought up.
If the piece wasn’t written by the manager, yet it was sent out, it’s assumed that the manager approved it. If not, then the manager isn’t doing his/her job.
That’s great to hear that Zanies is doing well and that these rules are not a desperation move. But I hate to say that just reading it stinks of desperation all over it. The only time I ever saw these types of “rules” is when the club was hurting and desperate. And I’m sorry, papering the house is always a desperation move.
Yes, I’m well aware the two drink minimum is standard at clubs. It’s been that way for years. The blame doesn’t go on Zanies, it’s the entire industry that has to blame for that.
Glad to hear that the rules keep the quality up in your perspective, but one way a manager keeps a good show going is by putting together the best show possible, even if it’s with amateurs.
In Toronto, Canada, the club has a lot of fun with the open mikes. The MC makes fun of each act whether they’re good or not, and the guy running the sound and video in the back plays disaster videos like the Hindenberg crash if someone bombs, or plays a crowd cheering video if someone does well. All the comics know the club has created this atmosphere and they go along with it. And the crowd loves it. It’s one of the best open mikes I’ve ever seen because of it.
On top of that, the club allows the MCs to conduct a comedy class in the club for free during the day on Sunday for anyone who wants to attend. It’s all in an effort to create better comedy.
My feeling is that’s how you nurture a relationship with comics and build an atmosphere audiences want to come back to.
“If they’re REALLY not funny, they’ll get the light early. If they ignore the light, we’ll cut the mic and turn out the lights.”
I just re-read this.. it sounds a lot harsher than I intended. I imagine people reading my comment with a redneck accent: “BoooooOOY yew be’er be funna!”
I don’t feel the Zanies rules are out of the ordinary for A rooms. Firstly, I think it’s helpful that printing out the rules, fascist or not.
The Punchline leaves you hanging for 10-12 months hanging out leaving you to passively aggressively find out what you have to do and trade horror stories between each other.
The bringing of friends and paying for drinks is not out of the ordinary. The first club I played at starting out in Seattle was Giggles, again, rules where similar.
Zanies is an A list club, it’s Tennessee’s SF Punchline – people should have to jump through hoops a bit if they’re starting out. It’s comedic, booker, bs exercises.
Now, having said that, I vote that I shall be exempt should I stop off in Nashvegas for their “open mic”. All in favor? Aye.
hey,
Chad, we’re friends, right? I agree that Zanies is not unique, but that wasn’t the main point of the article. The point of the article is that this kinda stuff IS common practice.
The rules are stupid because they are not complete and they don’t cover the most important stuff. The business of comedy clubs is based on trickery and not faith.
I think about audience respect a lot and have been getting more offers to perform in comedy clubs. I feel like it might help my career in some ways to do this, but I feel bad subjecting my fans to their tyranny. I welcome Spark’s article.
Comedy clubs will naturally have to change their ways as soon as a more modern group of entrepreneurs enter the industry — Just like software developers did.
In response to Jane, I disagree that jumping through hoops is helpful in the arts. It’s helpful in business because jumping through hoops is business.
The politics and disrespect of skill are what make mediocre acts the bread and butter of clubs. These mid-level hoop-jumpers are setting the standard of comedy in the country. If you are disappointed with popular comedy, (ie: dane cook, carlos mencia, carrottop) you should be in favor of more nurturing methods for booking.
So do the comedians that don’t agree with the rules simply not do the Zanies open mic then and go look for a friendly coffee shop or bar to create their own show in? That would seem like the course of action for a group so completely and totally commited to what they are doing.
Scot – We are, indeed, friends. I certainly do not speak on behalf of Zanies or anyone other than myself, but I’m guessing that they don’t have time to teach open mic’ers everything about how the world works. True, they’re dealing with “the arts”, but comedy clubs are businesses.. and if they’re not ran like a business they go out of business.
MG – Yes.
HEADLINE NEWS!! Self important arse challenges self important arse – world walks on by.
I don’t even know Chad and he’s my friend. :)
I agree with MG – comedians who don’t like being shoe-horned into a particular context should explore other options- I know plenty of people are. Organising their own shows or venue will probably help them to figure out what their priorities are and what they are trying to do with their time. Maybe some will “drop out” instead of having a comedy “career” but I doubt they’ll regret putting their own self development ahead of someone else’s business problems.
What happens to poor loners with a talent for comedy? As an outsider to America, I have always found the notion of 2 drink minimums or having to bring a certain number of punters before being given stage time a bit wierd. If the club is being run as a strict entertainment business then fair enough, don’t have open mic nights. But, comedy is dependant on the nurturing of new talent, not just getting new faces to recycle hack jokes. If the club is as successful and profitable as other posts suggest, then one open mic night a week is almost like community service. Surely if a club treats new acts well on the way up, then those who rise to the top will be more likely to be nice to the club later.
This all seems pretty standard fare. When I was coming up in Kansas City, the local club charged ten bucks to perform at open mike nights unless you brought three people. I got around this by showing up at the club early on open mike night and if anyone was going to the show just to see the show, I gave them my card to get in free…it’s cheap but it worked.
It’s not a matter of getting friends to turn up…but getting them to turn up continuously as you progress.
To make a comedian responsible for their guests doesn’t seem completely unreasonable. Asking them to stay for the whole show doesn’t seem absurd either. It’s just polite. I had to leave early from an open mic once or twice and I always felt bad about it.
The minimum age requirement and two item minimum are pretty standard for comedy in general…and just seem part of the business.
As for excessive vulgarity, I think that comes down to comic style. Again, coming up in Kansas City, we always had older touring comics at the Open Mics who organized workshops before the show to kind of help ‘direct’ the younger comics. Many overly-blue Bill Hicks wannabes were cured when a pro told them that they would never work in front of them with a set like that. But I’m not sure that should be in the rules…from my own experiences I think that is better handled among the comics themselves.
As far as political views…this is just silly…open mic nights are a place for experimentation…that’s why the shows are supposed to have a pro emcee…to clean the palate of the audience after some idiot bombs doing political humor. Again, workshops prior to the show taught us the best ways to use and not use political humor.
Finally, the only overly harsh pronouncement is the no show policy. Even that isn’t overly harsh except for the twenty-four hour warning rule…but that may be the clubs attempt to drive a point home to lame brained open mikers…if you can’t make it, let us know. Not being a local, I don’t know how strictly it’s enforced. We had a ssimilar rule about no shows…however it was only enforced for the guys that would sign up every week, but only show about one out of five.
For all the people who think many of these rules are “OK” especially the “YOU MUST bring four people or you don’t perform,” are basing this on what they know from comedy clubs since they’ve performed.
This is NOT the way any other form of entertainment operates (musicians unfortunately have recently run into this as well thought).
You’ve been trained to believe that this is “normal” behavior. It’s not. There was a time we didn’t HAVE to do this.
There’s a huge dividing line between highly recommending that people invite their friends (which most comics do regardless) and REQUIRING that comics invite friends for performing.
It’s all about creating a comfortable space for performing and a place where comics want to do well for the management.
When I did comedy, there was this small bar that had a once a week comedy night. They didn’t have much money, but it was run by an older couple that treated their patrons and comedians really well. I thought it was so nice that they would purchase a small deli platter (probably $30) just for the comedians. That’s a club I wanted to perform at. I gave a much better performance. And I WANTED to invite my friends because it was such a nice atmosphere.
It’s all about how you treat people. It all comes back to you in the end. The club makes money and the comedians and the audience is happy.
Keep it clean in a real comedy club!!!
Take your shock humor to the crap open mic.
Interesting discussion. I’ve been doing comedy just over four years, and while I haven’t seen every club in the country and every possible set-up, I’ve been around enough to know that a few rules can be a good thing, particularly when it comes to reining in the Hicks (and nowadays Stanhope) wannabes who think they’re doing the world a favor by sharing their “enlightened” political material.
But I’ve also seen a lot of unnecessary resentment and general bad vibes caused by clubs that brow-beat the local talent. I know of one club that limits open-mike comics to one slot a month (the show is weekly), but if the club finds out one of them did an open-mike at the other club across town during the three weeks the comic would otherwise be sitting on his or her ass, the club bars them. These aren’t emcees on the payroll, these are open-mikers. How does it foster talent to provide 3-6 minutes A MONTH of stage time AND ask for a loyalty oath?
Again, I see the wisdom in a few basic rules, but some places really do foster a negative atmosphere for comics by overdoing it.
What club controls where an open miker plays around the city? I have to know. That’s incredible.
According to their rules you will only train at our school of comedy and nowhere else? That’s absurd. And your training will only happen once a month. Even more absurd.
If that club hasn’t gone under, they will either change their rules, or go under.
Crackers/Indianapolis (est. 1980). I don’t know how long their current open-mic rules have been in place, but it’s been at least four years. A few years back they pitched a small fit when a couple comics set up their own showcase at an area bar – on a night the club wasn’t even open.
They allow a small core of comics who do well and emcee for them to skip the sign-up process and just show up anytime, and I have to confess I was one of those guys for a while when I still went there. Nice for some, but not really fair.
As someone who has run an open mike, I feel that I should share the rules that we have been using in Madison, Wisconsin. Since the drafting of the rules, we have relaxed the performer limit, and we take as many as we get.
WEDNESDAY OPEN MIC RULES AND REGULATIONS
There will be a show limit of ten (10) acts.
To sign up for the show, email Chris in advance or talk to Chris on the night of the show.
Acts that are present but not included in the show will be given priority inclusion in the next show.
Shows begin promptly at 9:30pm.
For stagetime, you must be at the Comeback Inn at least 30 minutes before showtime.
Windtalkers was that movie with Nicholas Cage, did anybody see it?
If you are not present at 9pm, (30 minutes before showtime) you lose your spot.
Stagetime will be determined prior to the show, based on the number of acts.
Acts will be given a signal two minutes before their stage time is up.
If you go over on your time, you will get a warning.
Two warnings equals one demerit.
Three demerits and you lose your gin ration.
Seriously though, go over time and you’ll get your time cut.
Speaking of cutting things, clip your fingernails.
CONTENT RESTRICTIONS
This will be a content controlled show, so to avoid offending the audience please refrain from mentioning;
the possible drawbacks of a progressive income tax,
things that your fellow comedians may find boring, including but not limited to;
Even more disturbing – I’m at a club in Tallahassee this week with a friend of mine.
The guy who runs this place is not, nor has he *ever* been a comedian. He runs a comedy workshop that you *have* to attend for 8 weeks at the cost of $125. After the 8 weeks, they have a show from the class, and if you get good, then you might have a chance to mc.
That’s not comedy for comedy’s sake. It’s basically running comics through a gauntlet waiting for comedy he approves of, which might not translate to your own voice.
I also was at another club in florida, where the MC had to read 5 minutes of plugging every upcoming show imaginable, which was the most god awful part of the night. The owner was very strict about getting that information out verbatim. One night the MC messed up a line in the marketing pitch and got reamed for it, despite the fact the comic was doing his best of making it entertaining by trying to throw jokes (lord forbid!) into the commercial. I was not amused by the management…
Clean or not, as long as it’s funny and original no one should care. I’ve seen more people walk out tonight on clean corporate comedy then dirty comedy. Clean comedy isn’t always funny. Face it. And half the places that care about that has a clientele that is dirtier out in the lobby anyway.
Basically, comedy is getting watered down and there’s a lot more pressure on comedians (aspiring or working) to be a marketing person. It’s only perks if you can actually tell a joke on stage.
After playing down in FL this week, some of my ideas of modern comedy and it’s business has changed a bit….
Sorry to get a little off topic here…
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