Zune’s mobile DJs. 4500-mile neighborhood watch program. Microsoft ventures into teledildonics

by David Spark on August 28, 2006

Microsoft’s soon-to-be-released and hopeful iPod killer, the Zune player, is set to turn users into mobile DJs. The new media player with built-in Wi-Fi will let users stream music to up to four people. This is not yet confirmed, but Microsoft has confirmed that Toshiba, the manufacturer of the device, has filed a license to be able to do this with the FCC.

Late last week an Internet user in Dallas, Texas caught a gang of thieves in Liverpool, England by watching a webcam. While watching he happen to witness some crooks break into a store. Quickly he called the Merseyside police and they were able to get to the store in time to nab the thieves. A crime foiled thanks to the Merseyside Police’s new 4500-mile radius neighborhood watch program.

And soon your XBOX360, the high def networked gaming device, could be sexually gratifying. The process of stimulating another user sexually from another location through a computer network is a science known as teledildonics. And unbeknownst to Microsoft, they may have found themselves to be the unlikely participants thanks to the Xbox Live Vision Camera, which allows a user to press a button on his controller which causes the remote user’s controller to vibrate.

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